Drowned Out...

I was recently traveling with a large group of people. Already, just that sentence is potent with possibility of mishaps, but actually this group worked hard to travel together successfully. Because I love individuals and especially the specific traits that set each one a part from the other, the opportunity for basically forced relationships is super fun. Eating together, long bus rides together, long plane rides together, shared experience, etc. Actually, I don't know that there are too many things I enjoy and value more than a shared experience. Relating with another person in all aspects, the anticipation, the sight encountered, the emotions it arouses, the intellectual discussion compelled in response to it... I really love each moment of that process.

A trip such as this allows for many moments of shared experience, and it did. We were overwhelmed with information and our brains were working hard to keep up with all the input coming our way. There was an interesting turning point for me, however. In one of the many issues presented and discussed, I realized that due to my previous experiences and relationships, I processed newly presented information differently than the majority of the group who did not share those previous experiences with me. I did not fully disagree, I just had additional information I was trying to reconcile with the message communicated. One by one I attempted to engage in conversation with others on the trip to present my thoughts and openly dialogue. Although not in every conversation, most of the conversations led me to see that without the personal encounter similar to what I had previously experienced, it was much easier for my traveling friends to accept the new information as capital "T" Truth than one element of the larger end "T" Truth. As similar responses came from very different people among the group, my mind was truly fascinated with human beings.

The reason I've written this entire post in a philosophical manner is because from this experience I've been able to step back from the actual issue, in which my opinion is really not any more valuable or right than the next persons, but instead observe and learn from the process. Upon returning home, even immediately in the car ride home, my mind and mouth could not stop. Interestingly, because I was picked up by one whom I trust, and who I know validates my previously experiences, my emotions, feelings, insights, and many many thoughts could not get out of my mouth quick enough! Her response: "Wow, did you not get a chance to talk to anyone and process this while on the trip?" It was so telling, because I realized in that moment, how I myself had started to drown out my own voice. After initially attempting to move that shared experience from level 1 of "intake" to level 2 of "make meaning", yet finding myself no longer sharing it with those around me, it became harder and harder to keep sharing my insights. As my perspective was repeatedly ignored, not engaged, or quickly opposed others were drowning me out, and I followed along. I followed along all the way to even questioning myself and my thoughts, trying to put myself in their shoes and erasing my previous information, even finding concrete reasons for why my perspective may be invalid... the thing is, even after all that exerted effort, my experience didn't change, it was only drowned out.

So after taking some time to think and re-think about this experience, I applied it to a cross-cultural situation. SO VERY OFTEN I have had the privilege of a conversation with a friend from another cultural and/or ethnic background who brings an entire different set of previous information and experience to a newly shared experience. Yet as this process of being "drowned out" in their ideas and input, they have now learned to exist in silence, or at least silent until with others who would share in their understanding, which is likely those of the same cultural and/or ethnic background. My heart began to cry as I started thinking of the probability of how often this occurs, in the big issues, in the minute daily issues, in professional conversations, in education systems, in the Church, in the worship experience. How dangerous it could be for one to navigate life in state of "silence", to operate with the expectation that they would be "drowned out."

Our life has a story, and the make-up of that story is to be told and validated. I pray that through this experience I can strive to be a better listener, to ask better questions and open my mind before reaching conclusions. I want to share life experiences beyond level 1.

Writers Block...

I've desired to have an outlet for the many thoughts that continually converse with one another inside my mind, but for some reason have been unable to do so. It's as though every time I approach the pen and paper I start to experience the "writer's block," but really this is only a reflection of something deeper. For the past six years God has invited my heart to journey into an understanding of His love for people, but specifically his love for individuals within their ethnic development, language, culture and the relationship these have to the greater role they contribute to participate in His Kingdom work. So for many years now I've comfortably hidden my thoughts and internal dialogues with simply journals and continual reads, but I believe God has been asking me to begin to share. It is my intention to use this blog as a place to openly share and discuss my observations, interpretations and perspective related to my hearts deep desire to see racial reconciliation in the church. Although my honest emotions are mixed with both hesitation and anticipation, I am looking forward to the many entries to follow. I invite you to join this journey with me.